some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
