New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
