is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
