Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
