I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
