just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i drank out of a bidet.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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