the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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