On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
