I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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