Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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