it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
