Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
