Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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