I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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