I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
