She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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