He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will be naked everywhere
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
