sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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