So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
