This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize