someone get that fucking seahorse.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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