she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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