My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
