just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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