For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
