It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
