Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
