i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We left an ass print on the piano.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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