No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
