I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
