I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
