Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
