didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
