let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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