M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
