Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize