I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
