getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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