it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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