fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
