im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
