my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize