i was born a porn star she said
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
