I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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