Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
