I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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