I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
