She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
