Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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