I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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