It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize