Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
