Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Mom said you looked used
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize