I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
