now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can I color on your dick again?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
