what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
