Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
