Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
