Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
