So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
