Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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