I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
