wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
