if i can run in heels then i can drive
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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