Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
