Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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