I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
