y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
