when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
