we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
