am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
