I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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