I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
