I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
