Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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