Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
