she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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