That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
