Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
