She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
