like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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