I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
