Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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