god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
