So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
