you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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