As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
