me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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