So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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