yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize