I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
