You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize