whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
