I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you had me at cake vodka
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wish there were birth control emojis
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
