and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize